Still got one more stitch to go..... Out u go... shoo!

I went to the polyclinic to take out the stitch on 3 areas of my operation. Now, I got 2+1+1 cross on my tummy.... So funny... Even email to show siti today... Hope it did not spolit her appetide... Got a get well email from my friend... not bad like that pict, thanks ya... I hope to get well too. That belly button stitch i think not so fast, still got pus and discharge. As long as I can bath, I'll feel so much better.

These two weeks, I've got my classes to go! Got to trouble my da da to take me there and send me back... My new campus at Starhub Centre, Cuppage Road. I like the new place, really new and got very big table. Nice place, got olio somemore, plus new library, wait till i take the picture, I show you guys ok. Going back should be a headache, cos it's at orchard, hmm...

Bad....

I think this year... will not be a good year for me. First I lost a gall bladder, then 3 stones, then 2 cholsteral stones... Now the wound not doing good, with that yucky yellow stuff and bleeding... I'm dead. What's else coming? Oh ya... my tooth aches...

God help me!!!!!!....

Shit i got three papers this semester...... die lah......

Sincerity is what counts....

I received a fruit basket yesterday from my company. It's from hazel florist. Hmm... Sunflowers, grapes, starfruit... Its just concidence that I hate sunflowers as they are too sunny, plus the grapes is really sour and the rest of the fruits....

A friend that i isolated recently give me a handphone strip for christmas, pretty nice with a diamond cross on it. Just as i put it on my hp yesterday morning, the strip gave way and i lost the cross on myway back around evening time. Not sure whether it's with sincerity or what, just a feel, that if things send with sincerity, it will utimately be treasure and felt. Not accusing of anything, just my feeling.

When I was ask did i get a gift for my isolating friend for christmas, the answer is no. It's just a feel. It never get in my thought whether she is getting for me or not, it's just that I have never thought of giving to her. In my point of R/S, understanding really play a big part of it. I think if the understanding is not there, or the slightest of different frequency, probably i'll distant myself from like the "other" one. Maybe this friend is really a mistake, though diff, but we forced ourselves together. I guess i really like it now. Seriously my dear friend, not just isolating lah, probably it's just me distaning myself away from her lah.

Maybe its againest my religion but, i just felt that now we are pretty cool. Just have to be ourself, don't have to pretend or hypocrite lah. If it comes from your heart, nothing else matters.

Operation Year 2007, upcoming Year!

Basically after he operation, the first thing that came to my mind is, yes, it's over. Then it's just vomitting, vomitting and more vomitting. Been 2 days since without food and on drips, but it's ok, maybe like what CY says, probably i can slim down, hehe. Anyway, now back at my "own" home, still got lots to think. Suddenly it's like, everything on my head. My marriage, the health, the work i'm doing, hai... basically everything. I guess because i've got nothing to do anyway, just laying on the bed and can't eat and can't really move.


Oh ya, i new concept i had when i was warded. Looking the at the flowers that was given by my DGM, suddenly, i feel that flowers is not really a bad gift. It's like at the time in middle of the night when u woke up, the flowers seems to be infull bloom and smilling at u, hah! i must be crazy.

Anyway, i really appreciate those who sincerely came to see me, specially my dearest couple friends, Sharon and Steven, also to my pal, u know who, plus my DGM, whom i did not expect to see..... thanks u guys, million hugs... (ok this is getting too mushy)

I've got like 26 days of HL, WOAH! Suddenly i felt great thinking i can rest at home and do my assignment, thinking back, will my "dearest" boss help me to clear my work?

THinking about the days i was on leave for 2 days for a trip, my desk is like flooded with papers and documents, helo.......... help me............ Well, when my budddy stiches are out of my body, i'll probably head back to my shit place to clear my stuff, hai.... Great year huh....

B4 Operation

Actually i wanted to write this before the operation, it's because i wanted to share this before my operation. But i could not get any internet access so.... this has to come now. Praying to God to forgive me for not doing what I'm supposed to do as my believe. Really believe in him that I do acknowledge his presence. Hope that he'll look after my husband, family and everyone i know.

Amen.

Papers papers and more papers

Finally I finished this miserable exams... Managerial Economics.. This paper is really a pain in the ass men! Tough as a nut... Trusting the lecturer giving us really "good" tips, I was really going through the sample exam questions and the MCQ, guess what... nothing came out related. What the Heck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's christmas... Can't she be more "giving". Ok ok... not her issue, probably it's just ... argh...

Anyway, like what my friend say... pray for miracle. Ya that's what I'll do for the next wks before the results is out. My da da is at Saudi now, at the town Rhiyadh. Sometimes I like the thought if i don't have to do this for him and that for him it'll be great but now that he is not around, nobody to nag at me men.. kind of quiet. It's the rain i think probably making me so sentimental... yucks!!!!!!

Anyway, i'm going under the knife like erm... exactly 16 days counting from today. Finally getting those stones that is hurting me all the time out of me. Probably get a picture of it as a memory. Nah.. just want to throw it away out of my body.

Hai.. One more paper to go and then it's out of life till christmas. Last paper, oh GOD, just help me to get through it... the painful, torturing process. One more time.....

T.Y.F

My definition of life

In my life, I really learnt to keep my life easy and occupied. Trying very hard to be myself and at the same time allowing others to accept who i am... I think it is really hard. What's important in life? Up to individual, hmm for me maybe it's really simple. To be happy, to live my life at my fulless and at the same time enjoy the process. Maybe not rich, just enough to buy things without any considerations will do... a bit much huh.... I think most importantly, is everyone to be happy, maybe this is the hardest of the all cos it is not easy to please everybody.

OMG, for the better or for the worst...

This morning is a bad start, as in wrong make up, bad hair day, so auntie... hmm... what else coming? Anyway, hope things will go on normally will do. Anyway, whatever it is nowadays the mood is more under control. Maybe i got into the "dunno is better" situation, therefore, i'm kind of emotional feeling better nowadays.

My long long friend actually ask me why i am so jovel recently, it is like out of a sudden i'm like complaining and swining. He is asking me like what did "she" really do to make me feel so upset or emotional, well, in fact now that i really cool down to think about it, i really can't answer.

All friends have flaws, i can accept friends who are loan sharks, taking drugs, single mothers, two-timing, one night stand, going to geylang u know what, what is it that i cannot accept? I really dunno. I just feel that whatever my friends do, they don't talk bad about me at the back. They just shoot me at the front and we fight and we forget. For her, it's like fighting a invisible war. This morning, buying breakfast, next thing, she is like bombing u from behind, so which is that people prefer? I don't know, for me, i am not asking for complete honesty but just not to tolerate me. I can take it, seriously, maybe at times, i take a longer time to digest, I really can take it. Just like u, we fight, didnt' talk to others for like days, but now, we are still buddies, right? At least now i know what u like and what u don't like to do. isn't that better?

Anyway, today i'm on specs. My da da saying too much contact lens is bad, hmm... for once, i actually listen to him on my apprearance. What's the catch, hehe... promised on a japan trip next year... Recently, our r/s is kind of improving, the quarrel don't last that long, probably like 15 mins. Maybe really we are getting old, not too much aggression anymore...

Thanks father for everything, glad at where I am today, i might not be your perfect one, but i am still on my journey trying to be your perfect one.

"Love is Blind"

There was a blind girl who hated herself just
because she's blind. She hated
everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He has
always been there for her. She
said that if she could only see the world,
she would marry her boyfriend. One
day, someone donated a pair of eyes to
her and then she can see everything,
including her boyfriend. Her boyfriend
asked her, "Now that you can see the
world, will you marry me?" The girl was
shocked when she saw that her boyfriend
is blind too, and refused to marry
him. Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and
later wrote a letter to her
saying, "Just take care of my eyes dear."
This is
how human brain
changes when the status change. Only few would remember what
life was
before, and who has always been there even in the most painful
situations.

The Individual Concept

Why is people always asking for things and never want to give? Everyone is just holding out their hands hoping for people to grab their hands. People never want to hold other people hands, it's always about asking and not giving. Who do not want to take as it is easier to take than to give. It's always the why....

Why my parents don't care about me, why am i here, why i am not rich, why i'm not born in a family of riches? Times, I have ask myself this questions too... Just that when in the mist of thinking, u suddently release that if everything is given to you, what other things are u ask for? Maybe some "more" things as WE are never satisfied, it's never enough.

One only ponder why they are not getting enough from others but yet they themselves are not giving others too.

Think...

God only thought of giving to others, giving us faith, hope, trust, love, comfort and care.

Is that mispreception?

Ya... After letting go of what that is inclined to me 1 and a half year, it really help to put everything down to a point. At a certain poin, i might not have digest it, but well, at least i let it go now.. It really take time to know a person. Whether it is true or worthy of your feelings, friendship, kinship and love. I always believe to let things go at the time where u really can't accept it anymore. Like the kind of thinking that i always have, either u accept who they are or you don't.

I have been learning to accept lots of things... Maybe someother people are digesting and accepting me at the same time too... I know what i want and times I might be too "angry" to think, but I know that I will never be like that. This is something that i am sure of, thinking that I might be a reflection of "her". I acknowledge my character. Full of rubbish, no career minded, lead simple travelling life.. ya that's abt all. So in terms of the "reflection", i'm sure of what i am.

No problem, won't allow things to develop the way how the other mistake is being made.

Cool!

"D" Does anything matter to you at all? When will u wake up??

When one really think that by thrashing out things, it really can help one to understand... But kind of realise that not neccessary that is always the case. Is it really hard to tell people that what u really want and how u really feel? The whole seem to evolve around... Whether u are happy, whether u are upset, whether u are pissed off, whether u this and that? The question is why are we doing that... Cos u got that attitude, cos u broke off, cos u are from a single family, cos you got people that pleases u and so u can take it that everyone must give in to u...

I really don't think so now. Don't care how u feel anymore cos I'm numb. The only word or explanation that i can gave myself to understand all your behaviour, that is childish. Yes.. I am able to digest that. The fact that if I am not close to u, maybe the words or action that come from does not even itch a bit but what are friends for to u anyway, to bitch around, or for u to make use of, to get attention, or to pass time with?

Hai... All this does not matter anymore. All i have to do is to give up hope and erase. One is not enough but now it's two... God please help me. Am i the real problem or it's them? Whatever, don't really think i am fit to be christian cos i know one that is true to the God himself will not say what i am saying here.

S.F